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I'm just too damn socially awkward IRL. I get the feeling people are avoiding me. When Guild Wars 2 comes out, I'm gonna do nothing but play that and use it as my social life. I'll find a full/part time job then after work do nothing but play. I tried to just watch anime/single player video games but it didn't work because I do feel a huge need to be social. If people are gonna avoid me IRL, then fuck em. When I was in middle school, I basically used online gaming as my social life and I was happy that way.
Guild Wars 2 here I come! ^_^
I think a big issue I have is self-esteem, and from posting on other forums, people say I'm "beta" which means needy, being a wuss, etc. and I think that is the reason people don't really like me. I am always nice to people but I think the fact that I'm so emotional all the time makes people want to avoid me. It seems people in general can be really cold towards "beta" males. People want confidence and that's something I don't have.
I want to start GW 2 because from my experience in online gaming, there are lots of other socially awkward people out there who do the same thing and just play online games as their social life.
BTW, I mostly feel like I'm an annoyance to people etc.
You should consider this something to fuel your self-esteem meter and you should be proud of yourself for being able to come this far. Too many people have given up, even at this point, so you are in fact on your way.
As for being labeled a "beta" by people on the internet, well, if they're casual acquaintances, what do they know? And why do you feel like you have to give yourself a designation that others place on you? There's nothing wrong with being emotional; we can't all be stoic and coolly resolute.
I will say for sure that people do not appreciate or think much of others who seem overly "clingy" (I have always hated that word), or emotionally dependent on the expectations of others. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice person whenever you are moved to be. The trick is to not push niceness on others and just let it be a natural part of how you react to other people. Oh, and to be sincere, because no one likes a fake, or at least someone who is clearly trying too hard for people to like them. Be casual and real about it.
As I said before, have fun in the way that you are most comfortable right now, but don't close yourself off completely from being social and friendly with others in person. If you always act in a way that is more sincere and true to yourself, I'm sure that you'll eventually find like-minded who will appreciate your effort to put forth your best qualities.
I do apologize if the way that I phrase things is coming across too squishy.
As of this writing I do indeed still need my high school, I swear though, I AM gonna get it at some point, I'm not sure if I should wait until next Summer school or go back for a quarter instead. But I made a vow to get my degree at LEAST by next Summer school. This time I'll make absolutely sure.
It is indeed true about being "clingy". I have been very good at not being that lately. I basically never initiate a hang out with friends and always let them call me. It's because I don't want them to feel like I'm being clingy and I also don't want to interfere with their time.
And I never wanna be "that guy" who's bitter and hates everyone. My goal is to try to be as polite as possible even though people probably don't want to be around me.
Also, I've actually been shutting myself off more lately. I started an Everquest account but I barely use it and I just play single player games. I'm not really getting any social interaction lately. I don't think right now it's really a bad thing though. Been really distracted with everything.
Still though, I do indeed still get really depressed sometimes.