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Stop! Hammer Time

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  • Widgets Magazine

    Stop! Hammer Time

    Inspired by Fudce's Anime Mathematics blog post, I present a little mathematical curiosity that I first came across a few years back. If, like me, you sometimes have far too much free time on your hands, you may have wondered how magical girls tranformations can take ages, and yet the villain(s) will always just stand back and let the girls get on with it. I mean, would having Usagi stop and change her outfit not provide the perfect opportunity to give her a kicking she'll never forget?

    Now, though, the solution is clear. Over to LiveJournal's mithrandir2k for the answer:
    I have finally discovered the answer to a question that has plagued me since I first watched Sailormoon.

    How do anime heroines manage to engage in chronically long transformation sequences and spells without being interrupted by a barrage of attacks from their enemy? I mean, let us consider the facts here:

    Nanoha's transformation sequence in episode one of MSLN lasts over a minute. Over a minute. Any self-respecting wise-guy west of New Jersey can have emptied three full clips into her by then. And let's not forget a certain popular heroine whose spells often begin: "Darkness beyond twilight; crimson beyond blood that flows..." and proceed for another half the episode before reaching a stock-footage conclusion.

    But I now have an answer, courtesy of physics.

    As anime fans, we concede the existence of distorted space. Most often this phenomenon is described as Hammer Space.

    The relationship between Space and Time can be described by the following equation:

    ds^2 = -dt^2 + dx^2 + dy^2 + dz^2

    Let us consider a two-dimensional universe, dismissing the second and third spacial dimensions. Let us also consider a universe where the geodesic is null. This we can derive

    dt^2 = dx^2

    The principal of equivalency permits us at this stage to say that space and time are, from a certain perspective, interchangeable.

    Thus I propose that if Hammer Space exists then an alternative, which I dub "Hammer Time" must also exist. Hammer Time, however, has already been proposed as a concept by Mr M. C. Hammer. In his definition, Hammer Time requires all those within its effect to "Stop!", and for a protracted period they find they "Can't Touch This".

    And thus our conclusion is that anime superheroines, when casting spells or transforming into alternate forms, call upon Hammer Time in the same way one might call upon Hammer Space, with the effect that their enemies must stop all movement, and be unable to touch them, thus enabling them to complete their transformation and/or spell unmolested.

    Quad erat demonstrandum.
    Original post here. Sheer brilliance, I might add.
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